i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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