It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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