Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
