never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize