It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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