If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
