She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
