I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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