Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
