I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
