So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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