Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
