Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
