So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
