you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
