i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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