Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
