Christians are straight up FREAKS
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
