Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
