I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
