I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
