Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
there is glitter all over my balls
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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