Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
