I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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