ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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