Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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