careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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