What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
