One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
