she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize