I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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