I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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