i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
