so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
True strength comes from lack of pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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