Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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