you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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