Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
