You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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