I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
