Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
