Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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