and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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