You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
