Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize