Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
