I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
