I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
