i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
