3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
