we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
