Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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