were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
