wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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