My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize