we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
