i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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