All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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