There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
