I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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