Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
being pregnant is like rehab
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
