the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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