She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
