you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Holy sore nipples Batman
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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