You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
