dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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