Little spoons don't ask big questions
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
